Saturday saw a clash for the records books: a rivalry deeper than Fischer and Spassky, a come back greater than Cher's Believe and a finale that defined the phrase 'squeaky bum time'.

Readers, clench thy buttocks because here is how it (kind of) happened:

1st Quarter:
The game started with the kiss of Judas from former Men's Captain Tom Blunsden; now playing for (and captaining) rivals Bristol Bombers. Not one goal. But two in quick succession. Even Celia Imrie's fart couldn't bring a smile to the Cougars as the 1st Quarter was looking like a round of golf with Greg Norman.

But enter our newly-baptised hero, Flayden Snr., who was looking to fire the Cougars back into contention like Rich Strike at the Derby, as he got his first goal of the day. Bombers kept the energy going and took advantage of a lapse in Cheltenham's defensive attention and worked hard to put another on the score board. First quarter ended Cheltenham 1 - 3 Bristol

2nd Quarter:
Comebacks start slowly and can't always be seen and this was certainly true of the second quarter. Bristol were first to score again and they celebrated like a Super Furry Animals fan heading to Llandudno.

In the attempts to dampen the cheers from the boys in yellow (*you can't call that gold) the self-proclaimed 'sexiest Lacrosse player', welshman and one of the newest Cougars to the area, Joel Matthews, broke free in the middle and slipped a ball past the Bristol keeper. For a second week in a row this was not captured on film by his mother, so we say again... did it really happen?

Another Bristol goal went in, before Flayden Snr. stepped up once to put the Del Potro in the Bristol hangar and end the quarter 2-5 to Bristol.

3rd Quarter:
You might be thinking... this is it... this is the part of the story where the the Red Sox bring down the Yankees.

You'd be wrong.

The Cougars were fighting hard at both ends and the effort was extraordinary; but like Swifties two weeks ago, the players were starting to get restless and wanted to see their hard work pay off. The spectators were ready for a little Souza vs Robinson action but mental tenacity won out and helped the Cougars glide through the tough patch like The Swans.

Bristol had a nibble and added their sixth, whilst Cheltenham's answer to the Sanderson Sisters set up, another freshly christened Cougar, Hayden, with his first of the game.

Still down by two with 20 mins to go, the bums were starting to squeak.

4th Quarter:
Whilst our name sake Cougars were elated with the return of Take That, so the unsuspecting fans were about to be taken on a wild ride with a thrilling climax in this 4th quarter.

Despite being flattened by a bull dodge earlier in the game, Tyler Rodburg saw no trouble dancing like Robert Irwin on to the scorecard with a series of well-executed dodges and a top corner snipe for bring the game within 1. Matt Parkes scored another beauty moments later and the Cougars were ready to pounce.

Bristol weren't going down with out a fight and snuck another past the Cougars. But like the Gallagher brothers stepping out at Wembley, the '-dens' were about to come out faster than a cannonball.

Excellent lockdown defence led to a break up the field and Curtis Hibberd took off like Seabiscuit and some quick ball movement from Aiden and Hayden saw Flayden Snr. free on the far side to get the game equal.

The dying minutes of the game were hectic, each team fighting for their reputation and bragging rights. Whilst Cheltenham defence stepped up so did the attack. Like the Miracle at Medinah, so too the Cougars were about to get the job done. Another great attacking set saw a 4th goal and cemented naming rights for future Cougars go to Flayden Snr. DMX once said 'this is ours and we don't share' and this game was set to be ours.

1 minute was called. Cougars Captain, Aiden, called a time out and the 'best 60 seconds of possession in the history of sport' was discussed.

The final face was set. Could Smith and Cole pull off another great win?

Sadly not this time and Bristol took possession.

Bristol immediately called a time out.

Why? They forgot to talk about what happened if they won the face! Rookies.

As Journey once said 'Don't Stop Believing', and that is exactly what keeper Kaiden and his defence did. They made sure Bombers didn't land and sealed the victory.

The final whistle went. Sticks were thrown. Cheers were cheered. The spectators muttered...'but did we win?'

Yes we bloody did.

As the Cougars ran through a sea of sad Bristol players lying exasperated on the floor, all bum cheeks were gently unclenched and all was right with the world again.

Final score:
Cheltenham 8 - 7 Bristol

Scorers:
Flayden Snr - 4
Joel - 1
Hayden - 1
Parkes - 1
Rodburg - 1